OPINION: LESSONS FROM THE PRESIDENT’S RATS by Micheal Ace

I will keep this article as short and as simple as I can. You know why? Because Nigeria is currently a joke and writing epistles to address her issues is like using a snipper to get rid of mosquitoes. The government didn’t take us for fools. They know their cooked up story won’t get well on us but I guess their primary aim is to get Nigerians lively and busy. You know, we having something to ruminate upon is something at least.

They said the President’s absense from office for 103 days caused rats to mess up his office. Before I proceed, I’ll take a liberty to apologize to every single rat I have poisoned or massacre in my room. I thought it’s belittling to find rats in rooms of persons of my calibre. Yes I am a star, a celebrity and hearing rats squeak in my room is a stigma. I never knew even the presidency deals with these battalions we call rats. It’s high time I accepted the fact that these guys are my roommates and there is love in sharing.

Yes! They actually knew their story won’t go down well with Nigerians, especially those lucky enough to have their senses not yet choked out by hunger and homelessness. They knew people won’t but talk about it. They knew it. You know when you’re in a nightclub and the DJ is playing ‘Mad over you’ by Runtown, it might get to a point when you’ll need him to hype things up. And if he comes down on you with ‘WO’ by Olamide, you know how you will end up loosing every part of your body to the jam. Exactly! The president is back and they need him to work from home. He is not fully recovered I guess and even if he is, old age. So they wanted to get us busy with something they call reason.

Rats messed the President’s office. First, I was flabbergasted to know there are rats in aso rock too. Second, I was unsure if the
President’s office was left locked and closed throughout his absense. I doubt it that the office did not undergo any cleaning throughout those periods. I’m also disturbed to think that nothing in the office was touched or referred to which left the place idle. But what do I know when the authorities said rats have taken over. I think there is no other way to abuse these set of animals than this; just because they can’t talk their side of the story or perhaps sue the federal government.

I did promise to keep this short right? I guess it’s getting too long now. I’m not an advocate for rats but I think we’re becoming a
laughing stock gradually all over the world. And believe me, there is power in every little thing.

Next time you find rats in your room, don’t kill or poison. Relate well with them. Those guys are superb.

Micheal Ace is writer and poet from Ibadan, Nigeria.

Source: ynaija.com