sponsor

sponsor

PremiumTimesNG

Loading...

Channels Television

Loading...

NewTelegraph

Loading...

News

PremiumTimesNG

Loading...

Opinions

politics

Finance

Education

Agriculture

Reuben abati

Atiku, Atikulation and other stories - Reuben Abati

By: Bhodemarz on November 29, 2017 / comment : 0 , , , ,

“I hear say Atiku don port oh, from APC to God knows where…”
“He used to be a Customs officer.  Going from one port to another should not be an issue or a problem for him. It is in the nature of Customs officials to go from one port to another. When they train Customs officials, they train them to just disappear to nowhere when the storm is tough and rough.  That is the reason why every Customs official is a prostitute… serving or retired. I know some of them. They are always disappearing and appearing. After oil and gas, customs is the other honey pot of Nigeria. My brother, if you taste a little of that honey pot, your tongue will come out. You will always want to taste more.”
“But Alhaji Atiku Abubakar is not a neophyte to the game. He has been Vice President to Ebora Obasanjo for eight years. And since 2007, he has been eyeing that office of President. He attempted to run in 2007, he ran in 2011, he ran again in 2015. There must be something in that Aso Rock that he is looking for.”
“Or something he kept there that he needs to go back and remove.”
“There is nothing wrong with a man seeking to rule his country, though.”
“Yes, that is why Alhaji Abubakar has been projecting himself as a man under pressure running from pillar to post, behaving like the only thing in his life is to become President.”
“To be President no be joke oh. The man don taste the thing small, na him know wetin the thing be?”
“But God has blessed him. He has a University. God has given a mere Customs officer the opportunity to educate Nigerian children. Even Boko Haram survivors are now being educated in his university and the Federal Government is paying him lorry loads of money as scholarship. Must he be President?”
“Yes. If dem give you suya for one hand, carry champagne for another hand, which one you go take?”
“Champagne, my brother.”
“Or when you see useless people, Oga’s domestic servants and imbecilic erukus washing hands with champagne that their first to fifth generations never tasted, what will you do?”
“I swear I will step into the ring and fight.”
“Good. Atiku wants to take over. Him too wan wan taste champagne. The champagne of Nigeria.”
“But he doesn’t’ even know where he is going.”
“He knows. Talks are going on. For him to leave the APC, he must have worked out his next destination.”
“Which is?”
“I hear PDP”
“PDP? PDP is in trouble. I don’t think PDP can remove Buhari from power”.
“I have seen pictures of Atiku’s PDP campaign vehicles. It looks like he is going to get the PDP Presidential ticket”
“How?”
“He has money. PDP right now needs somebody with cool cash who can challenge the APC, and fight them money for money.”
“And Atiku has that war chest?”
“He can mobilize it.”
“The PDP Governors won’t allow him”
“Who are those ones? There is no Governor in PDP today who wants to spend money. Those Araldites? If a roadside beggar gives them money, they will collect.  PDP Governors are so hungry they will be so glad to collect tithes. If Atiku gives them money, they will jump like frogs, and hand over the Presidential ticket to him.”
“But why should Nigerian politicians jump from one party to the other.”
“Hunger and greed. Can’t you see that there is no Nigerian politician who is interested in ideology or ideas? They all just want position and power.”
“I can see that. Atiku for example has jumped from PDP to AC to PDP, to APC and from APC to,  well, we don’t know where next until he says so…”
“It is called Atikulation.”
“It looks like the jump of the frog to me”
“Frog?. This looks like the jump of the elephant. Atiku’s move is a metaphor for Nigerian politics. It is a sign that something terrible has happened to the ruling party.”
“I hear the ruling party says Atiku’s move is predictable and so it is a non-event.”
“Who said so? Garba Shehu?”
“No”
“You mean Garba Shehu has not spoken? He has not responded to Alhaji Atiku Abubakar’s Atikulation, especially Atiku’s submission that the APC government is a joke and a scam?”
“I checked. Somebody told me that Garba Shehu is treating an ear problem at the moment, and em ..em, that he is part of a team looking at the mysterious movement of the rats in the President’s office to the Council Chambers forcing the President to relocate the Federal Executive Council meeting to the First Lady’s Conference Room.”
“I don’t believe that. The Garba Shehu I know would have issued a statement calling Atiku a fool for criticizing Buhari and dumping the APC”
“You sef. You don forget? Garba Shehu is Atiku’s boy. He used to be Atiku’s chief spokesperson. He used to lead the assault against Obasanjo and Jonathan before he was donated to Buhari. You want him to bite his master?”
“He should do his job. We are talking about loyalty. Let him do his job or make a choice.”
“He too should port?”
“He can do whatever he likes, but at least whenever he condemns the opposition again, he should know that he is attacking the Atiku finger that fed him”
“This is why I don’t ever want to work for government. Too tough. But you are talking about Garba Shehu. What is Mama Taraba still doing in the Buhari government? The moment Alhaji Atiku Abubakar Atikulated his position and wrote off the Buhari government, I expected Mama Taraba to resign immediately, having publicly declared that she is a loyal follower of Alhaji Atiku Abubakar.”
“Mama Taraba”
“Baba Buhari should sack her and all Atiku loyalists in the government.”
“You don’t know anything. You don’t know politics. Don’t be surprised if Baba keeps Atiku’s followers in his government”
“Enemies in his government”
“You don’t know politics. In fact, President Buhari could decide to make Mama Taraba his Minister of Petroleum Resources. And Garba Shehu the Minister of Information and Atiku will know that he is just making noise.”
“Gi-di-gibe. Power-pass-power. But the Mama Taraba that I know will get angry and resign ”
“You think so?”
“Yes. If she doesn’t resign, I trust Ibe Kachikwu to issue a statement to say that this is the very height of corruption and chicanery”
“It is okay. Chika is an Igbo name.”
“Atiku’s Atikulation is it. And stop saying the man has been moving from one political party to the other. Even the sitting President jumped from one party to the other, election after election before he could become President.”
“What a country! Politics of expediency;  no ideology. No party system. Anything goes”
“If you Atikulate it properly, everything will be fine.”
“I am sorry for you. I hope you are aware that articulated vehicles only bring problems. In Apapa. In Abuja-Lokoja road. Everywhere, they are causing problems.”
“Those are vehicles. Here, we are talking about a mission to save Nigeria.”
“And who will do that?”
“Atiku has stepped forward”
“What of Baba Bubu?”
“He has not told anybody he wants a second term. From what I see, he may opt for the Mandela option”
“Mandela, Mandela. Is Buhari from South Africa?”
“He is from Katsina.”
“And you want him to be like Mandela? Have you started drinking?”
“It is in his interest not to seek a second term”
“If you keep talking like this, when they carry you and lock you up, I swear I will not bother to visit you in detention. This government has no problem with freedom of speech. It is your freedom after speech that cannot be guaranteed.”
“I will say what I like”
“That is not a problem. But just think of the fact that your wife is still very young. The way this thing is going, some people will not see sunshine until after 2019.”
“Because I want a properly Atikulated country?”
“Because you don’t understand Nigerian politics. Have you not heard that even former Vice President Atiku has been asked to go to Abeokuta and beg the boss of bosses, the Ebora himself, Baba of Nigeria, Olusegun Obasanjo, if he wants to even get a party ticket not to talk of becoming President. OBJ Nigeria. No OBJ, No Nigeria. Baba Ooosa! Eruku nation. Ebora Tuaale!. Tuaale!”
“What is wrong with you? Who is Obasanjo? We are running a democracy. We should be talking about institutions not individuals.”
“Tu u danu. This is Nigerian democracy. It is the democracy of Godfathers. If some people don’t say yes in this democracy, even God will not say yes.”
“That is sad.”
“What I am telling you is that nobody can be President or displace Buhari without the approval of some entrenched powers and principalities in this country. Nigerian politics is not about democracy. We have not reached that stage. It is about power. Why do you think Senator Musiliu Obanikoro will cross from PDP to APC, and he will publicly say that Asiwaju Bola Tinubu is the best thing ever created since the invention of toothpaste?”
“I was flabbergasted to hear that”
“I was shocked”
“Don’t be shocked. That is the nature of Nigerian politics. But the truth is that Godfathers have feet of clay. In Anambra, in the last Gubernatorial elections, Willie Obiano demystified his own Godfather, Peter Obi and the man has been very, very quiet since then. He demystified those who went and borrowed Alex Ekwueme’s daughter, I mean the PDP, and the APC that went and borrowed Ojukwu’s son. Any Godfather that wants to survive should know what he is doing. Nobody should play God over Nigerian politics.”
“The way I see it, the man who will be President may not even have shown up. There is a game that is unfolding.”
“A coalition against Buhari?”
“A powerful force preaching change, more like it, brewed in the North, with a pan-Nigerian outlook. A mission to save Nigeria.”
“I don’t get it”
“The next revolution to save Nigeria will come from the North. I can feel it.”
“Can we talk about something else? You know I am not a revolutionary.”
“Everything in life is a revolution. You can be Grace-fied today and be Mugabe-fied tomorrow. The Other room can be joyful today and bring you sorrow tomorrow.”
“Talking about the other room, I hear Baba now uses Mummy’s conference room in the Villa to hold Federal Executive Meetings”
“I don’t talk about mundane meetings. The entire Presidential Villa belongs to the President. He can holding meetings wherever he likes.”
“May be rats took over the Cabinet Chamber. “
“Leave these government people. What is on my mind right now is how some people held a wedding party in Benin, and they gave out cars and I-phones as gifts and I was not there.”
“Gifts to the bride or to people who came to chop jollof rice?”
“Jollof rice people. Two persons carry car go, others collect phone”.
“In this Buhari recession and poverty season?”
“Yes”
“EFCC and SSS dey the wedding?”
“Na jollof rice for everybody.  I hear say the woman sef na second-hand Tokunbo wey don born thro-way for another man and the groom sef don marry tire. Yee-yyyy.”
“Don’t worry. We have to be smart. Anytime we hear anybody wan do society wedding, we go dey ready go there.”
“Without invitation? Even Bobrisky no fit gate-crash. I surprise say dem no invite am.”
“We will apply the Ebuka strategy”
“And what is that?’’
“Simple. You make sure you dress better than the bridegroom. When you get to the gate, nobody will stop you. They will think the owner of the game has arrived. And if you are a woman, you dress better than the bride. It is the Caroline Danjuma butterfly effect. You may not understand this gist because you are too old.”
“Iro nla. I know every gist, including the latest on Toke Makinwa. Nobody go use social media chop life on my behalf. You may not know, that Ebuka style is no longer working. I hear there is now a wedding police in Lagos. If you dress better than the bridegroom and the bride, the security people will not even allow you to enter.  Better to dress like Smartkarts so you can help collect empty bottles later.”
“Agba a ya ni wo man yi. Na children gist you dey follow like this?”
“I go South Africa? For Mrs Etomi wedding where dem spend Nigerian money in South African economy? That one na another gist oh.”
“Mrs Wellington, please”
“Or I go Oritse wedding?”
“Stop. Just Stop….”



Source: The Cable

Baba, Maina, Idris and other stories, by Reuben Abati

By: Bhodemarz on October 24, 2017 / comment : 0 , , ,

“I hear say our Sai Baba don return from Turkey”
“Did you hope that he would stay there permanently? He went for the D-8 meeting, and he is bound to return.”
“D-8 meeting. I have been thinking about it. We are supposed to be a secular country but internationally, we have continued to engage with Muslim countries. We belong to the Organisation of Islamic Countries (OIC) and also the D-8. Internationally, we are effectively a Muslim country.”
“I don’t think so. In international diplomacy, it is not a sin for a country to engage at all possible levels. Nigeria is the most strategic country in Africa with its population and economy. We have a responsibility to be everywhere in the world, and make our presence felt.”
“Which presence? There are at least 48 Turkish companies doing business in Nigeria: schools and hospitals and et cetera. How many Nigerian businesses can you point to in Turkey?”
“We have our footballers scoring goals in Turkey.”
“You are not okay.”
“We have our girls too. Nigerian girls are the most impactful diplomats in the world. They catch the men where it matters most from Turkey to Italy to London to Washington, back to home. What this government has not been able to do through diplomacy, our girls in diaspora are filling the gap, by grabbing the international community by the balls. I hear our girls are hot and famous.”
“You are talking nonsense. You are holding women responsible for Nigeria’s problems”.
“Emi ke? God forbid.”
“So what was that all about?”
“He-eerr. I am just saying that Nigerian leaders should stop junketing all over the world like a yo-yo, and stop passing that on as performance whereas there is nothing to it. The President of Nigeria must have the courage to act, and take decisions that will move the country forward. I am, in fact, surprised Baba went to the D-8 summit with his wife and children.”
“Are you okay? Baba Bubu has not done anything wrong by giving Mummy a treat.”
“ I have not said he has done anything wrong. But he be like say Baba sef don dey enjoy this thing. He promised oh. Baba promise. But Baba don dey enjoy so tey, him forget promise.”
“The President is a human being. You people forget that. You keep talking about promise. What promise, I ask?”
“Change.”
“Meaning?”
“Change”
“Nobody ever promised you change.”
“Tinubu did. The party did. Baba did.”
“My friend, go and sit down. You don’t know what is called change. The real change is that President Muhammadu Buhari is today President of Nigeria and he has every right to do as he wishes.”
“No. He can’t”.
“You are a fool. Okay, he can do what he likes for example in the other room. And change does not begin with him. It begins with you. Comment on that.”
“We are not happy with what is going on. The party is confused. The APC is divided all the way down the middle. The President is no longer with us. He has been hijacked by persons who don’t even belong to the party.”
“You have not commented on the other room”
“Which other room? Is this supposed to be a serious conversation? I don’t care what President Buhari does in his other room. I just want him to stand up like a man and run Nigeria. There are too many contradictions. His government is tearing itself apart and it is not funny at all because it gets worse everyday.”
“You can’t blame Baba. It is those people’s juju. The demons in Aso Villa have grown new wings and we can all see that.”
“Wait a moment. You are talking about the spiritual side of Aso Villa. I am in fact surprised that the President has not been able to return to his office since his staff told us rats had taken over his office.”
“I hear the rats are still there. Ogbologbo rats. No-nonsense-rats. Come-and-catch-me rats. The President’s main office remains under lock and key.”
“So why are we blaming Baba, then? Nigeria is certainly the only country in the world where the President has to vacate his office for rats and the rats have continued to exercise sovereignty rights for more than two months.”
“This thing is not ordinary. Una no wan listen.”
“Nothing is ordinary anymore in this country, my brother. Everything just be like anyhow.”
“You say?”
“I say, this their change don begin change my head. Make man talk true, even if truth kill man. Look at it now. This same government just reinstated Abdulrasheed Maina, a former pensions boss, who was declared wanted by the EFCC. He was even promoted. Then two days later, they say he has been sacked because the President wants some investigations. How?”
“What do you mean how?”
“I mean a government must have a mind of its own, and act decisively. No government should run on ad–hoc fuel. Is Maina a patriot or a villain? We don’t know. A serious government must be able to take a stand and stand by it. They should stop playing games with our minds. Must you reinstate a man, give him new hopes and a new lease of life and then turn him adrift?”
“Hey, hold on. Are you defending Maina?’
“No. I am condemning cluelessness. Extreme cluelessness. I ask you: where is the report of the investigations on the alleged abuse of the office of the Secretary to the Government of the Federation?”
“You are referring to the grass-cutters affair? Please pardon me for a moment. It is a lot for me. Grass-cutters. Rats. Lions. Hyenas. Too many animals in this holy of holies, we live now obviously in a kingdom of animals, governed by dancing pythons and smiling crocodiles.”
“Speak for yourself”
“I speak what the spirit says. And I prophesy that there is truth in the words of the Holy Spirit. E just be like say we don enter One Chance.”
“May be that’s why people are beginning to commit suicide. For the first time in Nigerian history, ordinary people are just committing suicide here and there. I feel like writing a book to be titled: Nigeria: The Years of Suicide.”
“Fine. And I your friend will write another book immediately and title it: Makobami: the writer who committed suicide writing about suicide.”
“You don’t get it. One man committed suicide after his wife gave birth to triplets. He had not been paid for eleven months!”
“Hen hen. Is that why he should die? Some other Nigerians would have turned that into a business opportunity. Is it easy to shoot three in one? I ask you. With all your gra-gra, can you shoot three at once? If people don’t lend themselves sense in this country, they will die before death comes calling. I tell my close friends. I tell them, this thing will pass. This change that has turned to poison in some people’s mouths, it will also pass.”
“What of the people who just parked their vehicles and jumped into the lagoon in Lagos? You think Nigerians will be happy again?”
“Yes, I believe Nigerians will be happy again.”
“But I hear government is borrowing money”
“Yes, because people you know stole the money. Still, Nigeria will rise again.”
“I think the problem is more than that. I hear the people who claim to have common sense have been told to shut up”
“Common sense is not common. Those who claim to have it may just be doing business. Common sense died in this country long ago.”
“Who is protecting this country, then?”
“Ordinary people. They should just allow us to speak.”
“It is their country too”
“Who?”
“The people who don’t want us to speak”
“It is not their country. They had the audacity to lie to us. They claimed they would bring change and transform Nigeria. They promised to kill corruption. They have done the opposite of what they proposed.”
“Can you stop now? I am in Abuja to have fun not to get into trouble, this man.”
“You must have the courage to speak up. We, the voters’ card carrying Nigerians are angry. We want change.”
“You wanted change. You got it. What other change are you asking for?”
“Change”
“Go and sit down and stop mouthing empty slogans“
“You must go and talk to Asiwaju”
“I am not going to talk to anybody.”
“I mean they shut down the man’s TVC and Radio Continental.”
‘I didn’t hear that.’
“I hear they even want to withdraw his Villa pass”
“I didn’t hear that”
“I hear the columnists in his newspaper can no longer write freely”
“I didn’t hear that.”
“In fact, I hear that it is now a sin to speak freely and that’s why Atiku is now suddenly silent.”
“I didn’t hear that.”
“I hear that Baba Buhari will win the win 2019 election, whether people like you like it or not.”
“I didn’t hear that”
“What do you ever hear? I am a street guy. I hear things. Are you in this country at all?”
“Good for you”
“But are you aware by any chance that Senator Isa Misau is fighting the Inspector General of Police Ibrahim Idris?.
“I have not paid attention to the story: something about the IGP befriending two female officers? How is that a problem? “
“It is unprofessional and unethical. But there is also a charge of corrupt self-enrichment.”
“Charges against who? The IG or the Misau?”
“Misau”
“Misau or the IG? Stop worrying yourself my friend. I am trying to discuss national matters you are focusing on the Inspector General of Police. Who is he?”
“I am just thinking right now, may be we should discuss issues that will not get us into trouble.”
“Our job is to get into trouble with our ideas.”
“God forbid. My mouth will not take me to detention cell.”
“Don’t’ worry. If the IG impregnates a female police officer, it is a matter of espirit de corps. Senator Misau should know that.”
“But the money”
“Which money? Everything is espirit de corps”
“Have you taken something?”
“Take what? I am saying this is not America. The Inspector General of Police grabs a police woman and proves himself to be a man and you are blowing whistle like a eunuch: is this America? I beg.”
“You are mixing things up. You don’t get it.”
“I get everything. Nothing is going to change. This is Nigeria. Nothing ever changes in real terms. Do you get it? This is Nigeria.”
“Can we talk about something else, please, to ease your depression? I see you talk like you are depressed.”
“Me? I am not depressed oh. Nobody can kill the beetle.”
“One of your favourite artists, Toyin Aimakhu-Abraham lost her dad.”
“That’s sad. My condolences.”
“Asa, the musician, has disclosed that she lost her virginity at 28.”
“Wow. 28! She is an absolute genius and a darling. Did she disclose the identity of the victim?”
“No. But I hear 2Face now gives advice on sex; he recommends the use of condoms”
“That is our Saul on the road to Damascus. We should make 2Face the next Pope.”
“13 Southern Nigerian Governors and 3 deputies met in Lagos yesterday.”
“A meeting of strange bed fellows holding talks, saying nothing.”
“The Federal Government has decided to confiscate funds in all bank accounts that are not linked to BVNs”
“That is a thief-thief policy. They are asking for more suicides.”
“I hear George Weah is in Nigeria to see Pastor Temitope Joshua ahead of the Presidential election rerun in Liberia.”
“I see. Liberia certainly needs a miracle.”
“Cristiano Ronaldo has won the FIFA best player award, beating Messi and Neymar.”
“I don’t watch football…sorry. I am too busy watching Nigeria.”
“Maina has been sacked.”
“I heard that. Nice chess.”

Source: The Cable


OPINION: Kachikwu, Baru and the NNPC debacle, by Reuben Abati

By: Bhodemarz on October 10, 2017 / comment : 0 , , , ,

The current NNPC debacle is probably the most embarrassing, even if mercifully, eye-opening crisis in the history of that nationally strategic institution since its creation in 1977. I seek in the following commentary to offer a number of observations that would probably throw some light on the muck and confusion running riot out there on the matter. In my view, it was an error to have paired the Group Managing Director of the Nigeria National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC), Dr Maikanti Baru, with Dr. Ibe Kachikwu.
I say this for two reasons. When Dr. Ibe Kachikwu was appointed the GMD in charge of the NNPC and as Minister of State in 2015, it looked like a dream appointment and an extra-ordinary career point for him but not necessarily for the sector. Dr Kachikwu did not hesitate to assert himself and in his attempt to reform the NNPC, one of the victims was a certain Dr Maikanti Baru, most senior Executive Director at the NNPC, who was redeployed under the new dispensation as a Technical Adviser in the Ministry of Petroleum. This was like sending Baru to desert territory of the oil and gas sector. How the same Baru eventually got rehabilitated as GMD of the NNPC, to work with the same man who had tried to marginalize him within the system was a poor demonstration of an understanding of human psychology.
It was common knowledge that there was no love lost between the two men, and yet someone thought it was a good idea to force them to work together as a team. Leadership failed at that point, because the arrangement was not going to work. The Ministry of Petroleum and NNPC that emerged at that point was built on a fulcrum of conflict of personality and interest.
The key players in the oil and gas sector can only work together as a team if they must reduce the opaqueness and conflicts in that sector, but the pairing of Kachikwu and Baru practically showed a lack of understanding. The crisis that has now erupted between both men was foreseeable, and I dare say, avoidable. Where is the wisdom in forcing two persons who have shown open dislike for each other to work together?
But let us consider the other level of the conflict: and that is the conflict of interest. One major issue in the oil and gas industry, over the years has been the uneasy relationship between the Ministry of Petroleum and the International Oil Companies (IOCs). The Ministry of Petroleum through its parastatals, the NNPC, and more particularly, NAPIMS, regulates the IOCs. Nonetheless, the relationship between the regulator and the IOCs has always been like that between the cat and the mouse. Civil servants not just in the NNPC but elsewhere within the government have a penchant to want to work with their own.
Political appointees are treated with suspicion, as wayfarers, as the civil servants seek to protect their own territory. The battle for territory in the Nigerian government is one of the most vicious fights in the corridors of power. So it has been that in the oil and gas industry in Nigeria, every attempt to appoint an IOC-associated person as head of the NNPC or other parastatals under the Ministry of Petroleum has always resulted in the equivalent of street fights.
Under President Olusegun Obasanjo, Edmund Daukoru and Funso Kupolokun could not forge a seamless relationship even if Daukoru spent only five months or so in thatposition. Diezani Allison-Madueke was also from the IOCs (in her case Shell) and obviously she had issues with NNPC and Ministry officials. She had an advantage though: no GMD of NNPC would dare stand up to her, or by-pass her.
The belief within the Ministry of Petroleum system is that Ministerial appointees from the IOCs have interests that are different from their own traditions. President Buhari made the matter worse by making Kachikwu, an IOC man, from Exxon Mobil, GMD and Minister of State of Petroleum. On the surface of it, the impression was created that he could generate policies as he deemed fit, enjoy direct access to the Minister of Petroleum and gain the authorization to implement the same policies as he liked. From day one, Kachikwu was thus a marked man within the Ministry of Petroleum system.
It will be naïve to assume that it is only Maikanti Baru that is fighting him. It will be safer to assume that it is the establishment that is trying to cut him down to size. If you doubt that, then check the history of the system: most of the former Ministers of Petroleum that managed to do well are not even from the system but complete outsiders. Caught in the middle of this conflict, Kachikwu does not want to take the matter lying low. He is fighting back. I’ll comment on whether that is a smart or clever move anon.
I think the other problem signposted so far in this matter, is the role of the Minister of State and the substantive Minister and how power and responsibility are delegated along the reporting lines. The related issue is access to the delegating authority. What we know is that the Minister of State in the Nigerian system has always faced difficulties. He or she occupies the same space in the power spectrum similar to that of a Deputy Governor, even if he or she does not have any Constitutional right of succession, in the event of the death or impeachment of the substantive officer. So serious is this matter that when certain Ministers of State were treated shabbily in the past they had to protest, and force the issue.
The Nigerian Constitution, in line with the Federal Character Principle, says there must be a Minister from every state of the Federation. Since it would make no sense to have 36 Federal Ministries, some Ministers end up as Deputy Ministers, but in reality, they are expected to report to a substantive Minister representing another state! The result has been nothing but conflict. 
Under President Umaru Yar’Adua, the then Secretary to the Federal Government had to issue a memo dividing functions and responsibilities between Ministers and Ministers of State. Under President Goodluck Jonathan, there were three Ministers in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs representing different states of the Federation: their functions had to be spelled out to avoid conflict. This was also done in the Ministry of Health between Onyebuchi Chukwu and Muhammed Ali Pate, but one of the unwritten reasons why Pate eventually left the government was that he didn’t like the assigned role of a subordinate.
At a time, not even Rilwan Lukman and Odein Ajumogobia could work together. In Kachikwu’s case, he faced a humiliating situation whereby the GMD of a parastatal under his Ministry seemd to have better access to the substantive Minister and President. For months, the Minister of State could not access his principal, but the GMD of NNPC could, and that must have made him feel really bad. The truth is that the oil and gas sector is Nigeria’s honey pot and every GMD of NNPC has always enjoyed both official and unofficial access to the President. As I said earlier, only Diezani Allison-Madueke could keep her NNPC GMDs in effective check. If they stepped out of line, they lost their job.
Nonetheless, the President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria does not have to be the Minister of Petroleum of Nigeria. At face value, the President seeing that the oil and gas sector is the honey pot of Nigeria may want to supervise it directly. Oil generates close to 80% of Nigeria’s foreign exchange. Even a President who does not hold on to that portfolio will be tempted to keep a close eye on that. In President Buhari’s case, he had been a Minister of Petroleum in the past and chairman of the Petroleum Trust Fund. All of this when new players in the industry were in kindergarten class, and so it can be assumed that he knows much about the industry. But the President being the Minister of Petroleum creates exactly the kind of crisis that we are witnessing. The President is the final authority.
Whoever is appointed Minister of Petroleum Resources exercises in any case, delegated authority. Both the Petroleum Act and the NNPC Act further vest authority in the Minister of Petroleum Resources exercising delegated authority. When the President combines the positions of President, Minister of Petroleum and Chairman of the Executive Council, and memos by all Ministers are to be processed through the Council, the President turns himself in the case of the Petroleum Ministry into a mini-god over Nigeria’s honeypot. If the President acting as Minister presents a Memo to Council, it is most unlikely that anyone among his own appointees will oppose that memo.
The memo ordinarily receives automatic approval, no matter how it may be. NNPC GMDs from Obasanjo’s time have tried to exploit this, when given that advantage, and it is why the NNPC’s response to Ibe Kachikwu now in the public domain is so troubling. Baru quotes the law. He insists that he has followed due process in all that he has done. He merely exploits the loopholes within the system that work perfectly in his favour under the present arrangement.
In his opportunistic statement released yesterday, he quotes NNPC’s alleged fidelity to the Procurement Act, and why and how the NNPC Group Executive Council does not have to report to a Minister of State, but the Minister or the Federal Executive Council. Mr Baru should be told that due process is not the only issue raised in Dr Kachikwu’s memo. He raised issues about the appointment and deployment of NNPC Executives and the appointment of COOs. Is that part of the mandate of the BPP? So, why should we have a Board that cannot perform oversight functions? The truth is that in many government departments, the chief executives often undermine the Board, especially if they are as powerful as an NNPC GMD who wields enormous influence and goodwill, as he wishes.
On his part, Dr Kachikwu himself ruins his own case when he begins to talk about his being pro-North and his father having served in the North. What is that all about? It is completely immaterial. When a serving Minister begins to justify his own Nigerianness on the grounds of being pro-north, then we get closer to the root of the problem with Nigeria. Is Kachikwu also trying to play smart, to protect himself strategically? 
Kachikwu and Baru have created significant mess in the petroleum industry due to their own conflicts. With due respect, that is the truth and the situation. It is a conflict that must be resolved in the national interest and the buck for doing that stops at the President’s table. This particular conflict, and other intra-governmental conflicts before now, almost becoming recurring decimals: EFCC vs NIA, DSS vs. EFCC, Babachir Lawal and NIA probe, the Senate and the Inspector General of Police, have altogether dramatized to the international community cracks within this administration, and a growing governance crisis. President Buhari has a responsibility to rescue his administration from the same odium that has often compromised Nigeria’s most strategic revenue sector. So far, he has not done so, and his failure will be remembered appropriately, if not now, then at the right time. It is tragic. 
The National Assembly also probably has a role to play, beyond claiming it would look into the allegations that have been raised. The Senate has since separated the Petroleum Industry Governance Bill into three sections. It has passed the Administrative Section. But it would appear that the key issues in that industry would be both the Fiscal Regime and the local community frameworks.
Administrative reform is not enough, and may even cause more serious problems such as we are witnessing. However, more probing questions have to be asked for the benefit of the divided public: how many NNPC contracts have been tabled before the FEC in the last two years, and what is their status? There is more to this matter than we know.


Source: reubenabati.com.ng

Letter to Nnamdi Kanu

By: Bhodemarz on September 26, 2017 / comment : 0 , , , ,

Dear Nnamdi Kanu,
We have never met. I only know you by reputation and I have had cause in the last year to write on your activities within the public arena and offer my own views about you, your persona, and your interventions in the Nigerian debate. I sincerely hope you would get to read this letter wherever you may be, that is assuming you are still alive.
Your father’s house was recently invaded by the Nigerian military (surprised you don’t have a house of your own!). We were later told that you simply disappeared into thin air, along with your parents. The murderous Operation Python Dance II that was unleashed on Igboland by the Federal Government of Nigeria has since become a subject of national interest. Many people have proclaimed that you have been killed, abducted and that many members of your family and movement – the Indigenous People of Biafra (IPOB) have been wasted. Some people said you were called The Lion, but when trouble came, you were the first to run away from the zoo. You had boasted that you will deal with any invading force from Abuja. You also said it would be “Biafra or Death”. But when death came calling in the shape of Operation Python Dance II, your enemies insisted that you should have waited. Don’t mind them, oh. I have defended you in another piece where I argued that it is probably better to run away so you can live to fight another day. Of course, it is not every revolutionary that runs away.
Che Guevara died in the struggle, and Martin Luther King, Patrice Lumumba, and so on. Nelson Mandela was jailed for life, but he lived to tell the story. In your case, the way the Nigerian state has been carrying on, it is clear they don’t want you to tell any more stories. You have been charged for treason. You have now been labeled a terrorist. Your organization has been proscribed, and labeled an enemy of the Nigerian state. A week after soldiers stormed your state, neighbourhood and home, the Nigerian Air Force began to drop its men from helicopters all over Igboland. They call it show of force.
I guess all of that is to let you and your men know that wherever you are, the Nigerian state is determined to hunt you down. If you are on land, they will grab you. If you hide in the skies, the Air Force will bring you down. And if you hide in the seas, the Nigerian Navy and the Amphibious Brigade of the Nigeria Army will fish you out. Officially, we have been told that you and IPOB are worse than violent herdsmen and the Boko Haram who have killed thousands of Nigerians in the last year alone. The Boko Haram has been declared the fourth most violent group in the world, but the Nigerian government insists that you pose a greater threat. In fact, a government spokesperson sounded as if there is a secret plan in place to give herdsmen and the Boko Haram national honours.
There is probably something that the Nigerian government and state actors know that we do not know. You were dealing with the charge of treason, now there is the additional allegation of terrorism. Don’t ever deceive yourself that if you get arrested again, you’d be released, except perhaps you change your identity and claim that you are now a herdsman or a member of the Boko Haram. There may be many people who have Nicodemus access to you who may be telling you to come and confront the Nigerian state. That is how Nigerians sweet-tongue people to their death. I am sure that by now, from your hiding place, you would have learnt some lessons.
The Nigerian state may be against you, but the people you really have to fear are the same people you claim to be leading, that is the same people who used to call you messiah and who followed you about, kneeling before you and kissing the ground on which you walked. Of what use is a change-agent without committed followers? Of what use is a revolution without the people’s buy-in? Of what use is an ideology without foot-soldiers? The moment the Federal Government activated Operation Python II, most of the people who used to support you have gone completely silent. The Biafra Secret Service is nowhere to be seen. The Biafra National Guard threw away its uniform. Some of those boys who used to wave the Biafran flag and wear the Biafran cap have thrown them away too. One or two persons are still issuing statements on behalf of IPOB, but even those statements sound like they were issued from business centres. Your own kinsmen have called you a tyrant and an opportunist. Many of them have written social media pieces advising the Federal Government to deal with you, because you don’t listen to advice. They even say you are not a true revolutionary but a gold-digger.
In all manner of ways, the Governors of the five Igbo states are using you to play politics. They have declared IPOB an illegal organization. They are openly abusing you. All the big men in Igbo land are as quiet as the dead sea. Igbo traditional rulers have refused to support your father who is their colleague. Some of them have in fact asked the Abia state Governor to withdraw his certificate and staff of office and appoint another person in his place. Even the big men who signed your bail documents have refused to defend you. You used to boast about international support for the Biafran cause. It has been said that the government now knows some “treasury looters” and international groups who are funding you and that IPOB accounts have been traced to some countries, particularly France. The French and the Turkish promptly distanced themselves from you. But the European Union and the United States spoke nicely. America says IPOB is not a terrorist organization and America will know.
But the Nigerian government that may not know half of what America knows is insisting that it is now a crime for anybody, even as young as five years old to identify with Biafra, regardless of the Constitutional right to the freedom of speech and association and the right to self-determination enshrined in the UN Charter. Indeed, it would appear as if the Nigerian Government has been able to break the spine of your movement, at least for now, and certainly, the way things are, the November 18 election in Anambra state will take place – with or without you. If anybody expected that there would be a massive protest in the South East over the treatment that has been meted out to you, that has not quite happened. All the markets in the South East are open; Igbo traders across Nigeria have moved on with their businesses. Life is so normal in the South East, the Nigerian military is dancing and beating its chest.
Northern and South Eastern Governors are holding meetings and congratulating each other. You turned 50 yesterday, apart from a few messages on social media, everywhere was quiet in the South-East. If this had been a month ago, the crowd that would have gathered at your doorstep would have stretched from Isiama Afara to Afikpo, and the cakes you would have received would have been uncountable. Rochas Okorocha recently got 27 birthday cakes, presented by 27 women, representing the same number of local governments in Imo State, you probably would have received a cake from every local government in the entire South East!
Since your disappearance there has also been little talk about self-determination or Biafra among Igbos. The sound of the narrative is gradually changing. There is more talk these days about Igbo marginalization, and the need to appoint Igbos into offices. One prominent Northerner from Kaduna has since gone to Chatham House in the UK to say Igbos should not complain about marginalization when they didn’t vote for President Buhari in 2015, and that it is foolish for any Nigerian to expect to reap where he or she did not sow. Nnamdi, you’d be surprised that appointment-seeking Igbos will mobilise your people, including your followers, to vote massively for the same people who are currently hounding you, in 2019. You can be sure this will happen. In fact some people are already boasting that the only way to have peace in Nigeria is to make an Igbo man President or Vice President in 2019. While you were shouting “Biafra or death”, some people were eyeing the business and political side of things. Every proposed revolution often runs into its own contradictions. But don’t worry. It may be fashionable now to criticise Nnamdi Kanu but the wisdom of the mob is not always the best guide. I sincerely hope that you are alive, and that you’d not end up as an Abogunrin. Not every man has the opportunity to witness what life would be like after his own funeral. Treachery is one of those unsavoury ingredients of the change process. The deserters of the cause would claim they prefer to survive. The coffin maker prays fervently for business but he would never wish that his own family members should die. But take heart, hope is not lost. The fire that you have lit will continue to burn. Your struggle speaks directly to the subject of the national question. You have reminded all and sundry that Nigeria remains a troubled country and that there are many unresolved issues. Every effort has been made to kill your voice, and your movement, but the ideas that you have forced out of the cupboard will continue to resonate.
The good news also is that there are Nigerians in diaspora who have taken up the struggle. They went to demonstrate at the 72nd United Nations General Assembly in New York and on the streets of London. Your friends, FFK and Ayo Fayose are still standing by you. There are many others out there who also do not agree that you are a terrorist, even if they do not agree with your methods and rhetoric. You have also exposed the hypocrisy of the Igbo elite. You have exposed the desperation of the ruling class. Don’t let your head swell, though. If I must tell you the truth, you over-acted. Too much acting dey spoil cinema. You paid too much attention to ceremony. You were obsessed with your own heroism.
As you read this piece and reflect on your life at 50, let me remind you of the following statement which you made on August 27, 2017:
“Where we are is Biafra land. Aba is the spiritual capital of Biafra land. We started in Aba in 2015 at CKC. That day, heaven authenticated our move that IPOB will restore Biafra and that’s what we have come to do. We died in Aba at National High School. They shot and killed us in other places in Biafra land where they were protesting for my release. As our people rest in the grave, we’ll never rest until Biafra is restored. I don’t care what they say in Abuja. I don’t give a damn what they say in Lagos. I’m a Biafran and we are going to crumble the zoo. Some idiots who are not educated said that they’ll arrest me, and I ask them to come, I’m in Biafra. If any of them leaves Biafra land alive, know that this is not IPOB. Tell them what I said. Tell Buhari that I am in Aba and any person who comes to arrest Nnamdi Kanu in Biafra land will die here. I’ll never go on exile I assure you. Some people talk about restructuring, are we doing the restructuring of Nigeria now? Are we doing fiscal Federalism? Are we doing devolution? What we want is Biafra! Forget all the nonsense they write about us. We are not slowing down and no man born of a woman can stop us…”
Words on marble, Mazi Kanu, these are strong words on marble… Whatever happens, the fight of the python and the lion is a defining moment for Nigeria.
By Reuben Abati

Source: www.vanguardngr.com

Presidential Broadcast And Other Stories By Reuben Abati

By: Bhodemarz on August 22, 2017 / comment : 0 , , , , ,



“Baba don come oh. Baba o yo yo, Baba Bubu o yo yo”

“What is that?”

“Eh, o yo yo”

“If you are this excited about President Buhari’s return, then why didn’t you go to Abuja to welcome him when he arrived from England on Saturday.”

“I didn’t have to”

“After 104 days on medical vacation in London. You should have been there to show your loyalty, and your commitment to change.”

“There were other people there. They serenaded Baba all the way from the airport to the Villa. That is how you know a popular leader.”

“Don’t get over-excited, my friend. Those people were paid N2, 000 each. They shared money the same way the pro-Buhari protesters who challenged the Charly Boy group shared money. You should know when a crowd has been rented.”

“Whatever. We thank God that Baba is back. We are just waiting for those people who threatened to commit suicide if the President returns home alive to go straight ahead and do so.”

“Nobody said that.”

“But you know some people didn’t want him back.”

“On the contrary, everybody wanted him back. The resume or resign protesters wanted him back. They put him and his doctors under pressure. The President’s return is a kind of triumph for civil society. We can see that the people still have power. Once the Charly Boy group began to protest and the whole thing almost resulted in ethnic riots, I knew something was going to give.”

“Nothing gave. The President had said he would return whenever his doctors ordered him to do so and that was what happened”

“How naïve? Let me tell you. You will recall that when the #Ourmumudondo movement…”

“Those mumus. Baba will show them. Very irresponsible elements”

“I like their kind of irresponsibility because when the Buhari police decided to shut them down, with rented counter-protesters, and police brutality, they simply moved their protest to the UK, and North America.  The people you call Mumus went straight to Abuja House in London and set up shop directly in front of President Buhari’s bedroom. One night vigil and shouts of Baba, resume or resign, the President had to suspend his medical vacation and leave London. He didn’t wait for another night vigil. People power. I salute the Mumus. Their Mumu don do, true true.”

“You are beginning to sound irresponsible. The President obeyed only doctor’s orders.”

“Okay, may be you are right. It is just that we don’t even know what the President is being treated for. He and his handlers won’t tell us.  But they probably figured it out that if Nigerians in the UK are allowed to hold night vigil under the President bedroom in London, their noise-making will not allow him to sleep, and that could cause other problems. The noise could even affect his ears. Nigerians are very good at shouting, and in London, nobody will allow that kind of ethnic conflict that happened at Wuse market.”

“I hope you know Baba has promised to deal with political mischief-makers. You better be careful”.

“What have I said that is wrong? I am just saying that Baba’s London doctors gave him marching orders to resume because they know there is something called medical politics, or political medicine.”

“There is no such thing.”

“Where the health of a national leader is involved, there is always politics involved, international politics in this case. What if I tell you that President Buhari’s departure from London probably had the hands of the MI6 in it? What if the actual order to go and resume and return came from British Intelligence, through his doctors?”

“What is important is that Baba is well and all his detractors have been put to shame. Insha Allah, Baba will lead us in good health to the promised land of change. And if you want to be honest, you will agree with me that Baba’s return has stabilized the polity.”

“I agree with that. I am a honest man. In fact, I always prayed for the President to get well. It is in our collective best interest for President Buhari to be well, and for him to complete his tenure.  We need him more than we think, if we want Nigeria to remain one and in peace till 2019.”

“Nothing will happen to Baba, insha Allah.”

“Amin”

“And now that the lion is back, every rodent, hyena and jackal in the forest had better beware. That much was made clear in the President’s broadcast. Let those who have ears listen and listen carefully.”

“I don’t like that speech.”

“What don’t you like about it?”

“It sounded like a speech written by an ex-soldier for an ex-soldier. “

“It reflects President Buhari’s style, how is that a problem?”

“The President’s return after 3 months on medical vacation is a great moment. But that national broadcast was underwhelming. The President failed to seize the moment.  That speech was a routine speech. No literary flourish, too short, too cryptic, too contemptuous.”

“The President is back to the country to provide leadership, not to compete with Wole Soyinka in literature.”

“The speech is full of illogicalities, platitudes and non-sequiturs. Nobody will remember it.”

“The speech shows the President taking charge and warning all mischief-makers and irresponsible elements to beware. And that includes people who go to the social media and cross national red lines with useless comments, questioning our existence as a nation”.

“Is the President accusing some people of treasonable felony, because when he says national red lines, I don’t know what that means? Is it treasonable to ask for the restructuring of Nigeria?”

“Don’t rewrite the speech. The President says Nigeria’s unity is settled and it is non-negotiable.”

“Very wrong statement. Nigeria’s unity is not settled. It is certainly not settled. Since 1914, Nigeria has been a subject of continuous negotiation.”

“Baba has said his own. Terrorists and criminals who don’t want Nigeria to have peace will be destroyed.”

“Destroyed. That again is the problem with that speech. Too aggressive. Wrong message. Wrong timing.  He goes on medical vacation for 3 months and the first thing he does is to issue threats.”

“The President took an oath to defend the Nigerian Constitution. Terrorists and criminals are enemies of the Constitution. If anyone is in doubt, one of the first meetings the President held was with the Security Chiefs. He has returned from London to restore order and discipline. Kidnappers, violent farmers and pastoralists, Boko Haram, ethnic gladiators, social media children of anger, Baba don come oh, Baba o yo yo.”

“Baba says “destroy relentlessly, reinforce, reinvigorate.” He says there is a national consensus that it is better for us to live together than to live apart. Apparently, someone must have been lying to the President, misinforming him.  There can’t be any consensus when Nnamdi Kanu and other Biafrans want to secede, Afenifere is talking about Oduduwa Republic and Arewa Youths have given Igbos an October 1 ultimatum to ship out of the North.”

“Those are exactly the irresponsible elements the President is talking about. That’s why he also reassured Nigerians that they are free to live anywhere without let or hindrance.”

“The President spoke for six minutes and he was talking tough throughout. I don’t think those he calls irresponsible elements are going to stop talking because he says government is ready to destroy.  The President missed the opportunity to use that speech to full effect. If I had been asked to edit it, I would have written it differently.  I would have made it the speech of a statesman, promoting and encouraging dialogue and patriotism. I would have commended Osinbajo and the security agencies. . I would have included a major policy move: like dissolve the cabinet and send a list of new Ministers to the National Assembly. The whole world was waiting for that speech!”

“You like to dream.”

“The President could have given the speech some historic weight and value. He failed to do so.  He could have in fact, dissolved the cabinet.”

“I don’t think so.”

“But one of your people, Okorocha, the Governor of Imo state, even said something similar. He wanted the Cabinet dissolved.”

“You expect the President to sack all the Ministers who came to receive him at the airport and who visited him in London, organized prayers and supporters, the first day he resumes office? You are an irresponsible element. The President is a wise man. I stand with Buhari.”

“Keep standing. One of these days, your legs will start paining you. I hope you know that irresponsible sycophancy can give someone arthritis.”

“I am not a sycophant. I am a teller of truths. And I believe the President used exactly the kind of words Nigerians will understand.”

“My only response is that you are at least better than that self-seeking sycophant who is Governor of Kogi state. What’s that his name again? Can you believe the fellow declared a work-free day to welcome President Buhari back to Nigeria? What nonsense!”

“What’s your own? The people of Kogi and the state House of Assembly members are not complaining.“

“It is the height of irresponsibility. In case you are from Kogi state, you better tell that your Governor to get his acts together. When he is not quarreling with other politicians, he is building personal houses on public spaces, and now, he is declaring an irresponsible public holiday.  I won’t be surprised if he declares a one-week holiday in Kogi state when he gets to hear that President Buhari has also resumed duties fully in za ozza room.”

“You always like to talk about the President’s other room. Your interest in that room will get you into trouble one of these days, and you would have used your mouth to declare yourself an irresponsible element. You could even receive punishment worse than that of terrorists and criminals.”

“I am exercising my right to free speech.”

“Free speech. Leave that thing. Those who engaged in free speech before you went behind secretly to go and apologise. Even Ojukwu recanted and went to Daura to apologise. He led the Biafran secession in the First Republic but in 2003, he went to visit Baba in Daura and agreed with him that Nigeria must remain one and united. Just watch what you say.”

“I don’t believe that Ojukwu tale in the President’s broadcast. It sounds like a tale by the moonlight.”

“Are you trying to say that the President is lying?  Hmm. You know you are my friend, stop saying irresponsible things. I sincerely don’t want you to be destroyed. Even Nnamdi Kanu is beginning to lie low. He no longer wants to disrupt the Anambra elections in November and he has just been told that even his hero, Ojukwu later became an apostle of national integration.”

“Ojukwu is not alive to defend himself. It is always easy to say anything about the dead. The President could have made his point without dragging Ojukwu into his speech.”

“The way this speech is peppering you, you sound like you are looking for a speech writing job.”

“By the way, I thought I also heard the President saying the National Assembly and the National Council of State are the legitimate and appropriate bodies for national discourse. What exactly is he saying? Please educate me.”

“The President does not owe you an explanation.”

“Are you the President?”

“Anything Baba says or does is okay by me.”

“This is the thing. There is some kind of mass hypnotism eating people up.”

“Baba is back. Every irresponsible element will be dealt with and destroyed relentlessly.”



"You are evading my question. If you care to know, legitimacy is derived from the people, not from the National Assembly and certainly not from the Council of State, which in any case, is just an advisory body. The country’s sovereignty is in the hands of the people, not their representatives and it is important to allow open dialogue and the freedom of expression. That is why the Constitution says “We, the people…” and not “We, the National Assembly and the National Council of State.”

“You know what?”

“What?”

“I think you should just calm down and not have hypertension. The President spoke for just six minutes. You have been squeaking and rumbling like a Chinco fan for more than 15 minutes. Easy, man.”

“I hope and pray that Baba will resume work fully, and not announce, after a few weeks, that his doctors have again ordered him back to London.”

“If he has to see his doctors, you can’t sweat over that. So, stop grumbling, my friend."


Reuben Abati is a journalist and former presidential spokesperson (2011-2015)

( Source: http://www.reubenabati.com.ng/index.php/reuben-views/item/2944-presidential-broadcast-and-other-stories-reuben-abati )

Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)
Created By SoraTemplates | Distributed By Blogger